Why can't a gorilla play trumpet?

He's too sensitive.

What's the difference between a Trumpet player and the rear end of a horse?

I don't know either.

What's the difference between trumpet players and government bonds?

Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.

How to trumpet players traditionally greet each other?

"Hi. I'm better than you."

How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door?

The doorbell shrieks!

How can you make a French horn sound like a trombone?

1.Take your hand out of the bell and lose all sense of taste.

2.Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes!

What do you call a trombonist with a beeper and a cellular telephone?

An optimist.

"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."

The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"

The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"

"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

How do you know a trombone player's kids are on the playground?

 They can't swing and complain about the slide!

Well, it could happen!

What is another term for trombone?

 A wind driven, manually operated pitch approximator!

What does a trumpet player use for birth control?

 His personality!

What is a gentleman?

Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.