Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
The other replies, "That was no piccolo, that was my fife."

How many clarinetists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but he'll go through a whole box of bulbs before he finds just the right one.

Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?

So they can park in the handicapped zones.

A woman and her friend are walking down the sidewalk when they come upon a frog. The frog looks up at them and says, "Please help me, I'm a jazz saxophonist and a witch put a horrible spell on me and turned me into a frog. If one of you picks me up and kisses me, the spell will be broken and I'll turn back into a jazz saxophonist... I'll marry you, play you the most beautiful songs all the time, take you to all my gigs if you want, and we'll live happily ever after." The woman picks up the frog, puts it in her handbag and starts walking away very quickly. Her friend runs to catch up to her & asks, "Aren't you going to kiss the frog?!?!?" The woman replies, "Hell NO! A talking frog is worth a hell of lot more than a jazz saxophonist!"

If you were out in the woods, who would you trust for directions, an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus? Answer... the out-of-tune sax player! Reason...the other two indicate you've been hallucinating!

Why would anyone want to be the last chair in the flute section?

 To keep the Oboe player company!